Got Milk?




Memory triggers are strange things. You never expect them and can never know where they might lead. But, perhaps because of what I do for a living, they occur to me on a regular basis.

Please bear in mind, I am a nice person. I’m never hateful; I bear no animosity towards anyone. But there is something in my character that enjoys making people laugh at inappropriate moments. Nothing vindictive… just an over-abundance of playful fun.

Last night I made a joke in response to something my wife said at the dinner table. The problem is that I instinctively waited until she had taken a sip of her wine. There is nothing wrong with that per se. The spit take is a classic comedy bit. It is just that it loses a little humor when employed in real life situations.

But, in my defense, it is deeply ingrained in my soul. I still remember myself some 50 years ago. For me, my junior high school success was found in the lunchroom – by the daily recounting of how many people I could get to pass milk through their nose. It is a developed talent. Timing is everything. And, I am sad to say, I worked at perfecting the technique. I actually got quite good at it. To the point where it became second nature.

Why my peers continued to sit at my lunch table I’ll never know. Maybe they thought I wouldn’t turn my special super power upon them and they just wanted to see some other poor soul pour milk from their nostrils. But I was completely non-discriminatory. If an opportunity knocked, I answered no matter who the victim would be and more times than not I was greeted with a lactate explosion. It never failed to satisfy.

Michael Ondrasik and Home Video Studio specialize in the preservation of family memories. For more information, call 352-735-8550 or visit

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